Married incels

I grew up in a family where the women had a lot of resentment toward the men, and instead of talking it out or finding some common ground, they just let it be. So I ended up thinking that living in this passive-aggressive environment was normal—but let me tell you, it’s not!

A lot of people, both women and men, put up this front, showing off all these amazing things they do—romantic gestures, kindness, being understanding, intimacy, skills, the works. But once the relationship is locked in, especially after marriage, all that fades away like it was written in invisible ink. It's like they think the relationship will run on autopilot. I call this FALSE ADVERTISEMENT. Just like we don’t want to be tricked by ads when buying stuff, why would we deceive the person we’ve chosen to spend our life with?

Then there’s the whole "man repellent" and "woman repellent" strategy: stop caring about your hygiene, lose your confidence, start irritating your partner without even trying, stop listening, and just stop caring. And of course, after getting rejected over and over, you just think, "Why even bother?"—and that’s how you end up feeling lonely within a relationship.

Now, this one’s for those who say, "He doesn’t get I was abused as a child!"—Well, he doesn’t have to get it. He can empathize, sure, but it's not his trauma. He can’t fully understand unless he’s gone through the same thing. No one can truly understand your trauma, and that’s why it's on each of us to heal ourselves. If you’re not able to heal yet, don’t drag someone else down because you’re struggling. It’s not fair. Seek help, work on yourself, learn to love and appreciate who you are. Once you do, you’ll see others loving you back because you’ll reflect that love.

Communication is so important. And yeah, I know, I’m being a bit intense here, but I want you to wake up! Sometimes we all need someone to tell us, "WAKE THE HELL UP!" Then, from there, it’s about learning how to communicate assertively, understand your partner, recognize your passive-aggressive habits, and work on them so you can actually function well in a relationship.

So, what stories are you telling yourself? How do you feel when you look in the mirror? Do you like what you see? Are you taking care of your body, mind, and soul? Because those are the only ones you’ve got. Get real with yourself. Figure out what makes you happy, what turns you on and off. You’ve got to be in tune with yourself before you can be truly intimate with someone else. I once heard intimacy described as "Into-me-I-see," and it stuck with me. You can’t invite someone into a space that even you’re afraid to explore.

We often don’t get the proper education on sex and money—yeah, religion plays a big role in this—so we end up living in frustration, and that eventually makes us sick.

Start loving yourself. You’re worth it.

Xoxo,
Roxanne Miller